I saw some information about an old friend today. We worked together for several years, and we had an unspoken, informal competition to see which of us would get a PhD before the other. Well, ok, that competition may have been in my head. But she won. I had kids first, she got her PhD first. Her career has followed a "meteoric" rise - she was on the cover of the IEEE Spectrum, has led scientific departments and conferences, and now has a faculty position at Stanford.
I suddenly feel not so successful. I am reasonably successful, but I know quite well that I'm not nearly as successful as I could be. I have a wonderful, loving family and a good career. I feel happy, loved, contented, proud, and comfortable, but not successful. I've had periods of great success, generally when I've experienced a deep loss and need to escape into the world of work. Can't I be both happy and successful? My friend is. But then my friend studies space, which is her passion, her childhood dream. I enjoy solving problems, especially really hard ones. But radar has quite simply never been, and never will be, my passion.
Last week I helped a seventh-grader with a third grade ability learn something. She mumbled three little words, and I felt successful. "I get it" she said (and she sounded a little stunned). When I was teaching 9th grade remedial classes, my chattiest student snapped at her classmates to "Shut up - I'm learning!", and I felt successful. I could feel successful everyday, I could be both successful and happy. All I have to do is decimate my salary.
What a difference 15 hours makes - today began so much better than yesterday ended!
ReplyDeleteAs we were getting ready for Hebrew school, my daughter S told us that she wants to hand the pendant to M and D. S's twin sister H asked what we were talking about, as she had not been told about last night's events. So we I told H that S's necklace must have gotten into the present bag when I was cleaning up at the party, but that it really belongs to M and she wants it back. Then H said something I had not expected (and most certainly had not remembered!) - she had gotten the same necklace at the same time as a gift from the same friend. So we all followed H upstairs where she showed us her pendant, complete with the exact same 925 marking on the back of it.
I cannot begin to describe what a relief this was. I was up all night worried sick about how hurt my sensitive daughter would be if M thought she had stolen it, and how as a mother I can help her work through such an experience. I'm certain that a situation like this will come up another day, but not today.
I called D and explained this new event. D is not prone to speechlessness, but after a pregnant pause all she could think to say was to just forget the whole thing. As relieved as I was, she sounded slightly annoyed.
H had a situation a few weeks back where the computer kept crashing while she was doing her homework, and each time she had to start again from scratch. After several rounds of this, she finally came to me and said that she was frustrated and didn't want to do her homework anymore. Frustrated? I would have thrown the damn computer out the window.
Both my daughters experienced unfair situations recently, and each of them handled it with a degree of grace and maturity that is uncommon even among adults. I don't think I have any readers, but if so, now you understand why I call myself PRDMAMA.