I saw some information about an old friend today. We worked together for several years, and we had an unspoken, informal competition to see which of us would get a PhD before the other. Well, ok, that competition may have been in my head. But she won. I had kids first, she got her PhD first. Her career has followed a "meteoric" rise - she was on the cover of the IEEE Spectrum, has led scientific departments and conferences, and now has a faculty position at Stanford.

I suddenly feel not so successful. I am reasonably successful, but I know quite well that I'm not nearly as successful as I could be. I have a wonderful, loving family and a good career. I feel happy, loved, contented, proud, and comfortable, but not successful. I've had periods of great success, generally when I've experienced a deep loss and need to escape into the world of work. Can't I be both happy and successful? My friend is. But then my friend studies space, which is her passion, her childhood dream. I enjoy solving problems, especially really hard ones. But radar has quite simply never been, and never will be, my passion.

Last week I helped a seventh-grader with a third grade ability learn something. She mumbled three little words, and I felt successful. "I get it" she said (and she sounded a little stunned). When I was teaching 9th grade remedial classes, my chattiest student snapped at her classmates to "Shut up - I'm learning!", and I felt successful. I could feel successful everyday, I could be both successful and happy. All I have to do is decimate my salary.