When I was a teenager I began to question my religious faith. Not in a rebellious way, just in a way that is appropriate for a teenager transitioning into a thoughtful adult. I was confident that in time I would find the answers I sought and come back to my religious roots.
After a decade or so it began to concern me that I was not able to resolve my religious inquiry. I took solace in the fact that questioning and learning are integral aspects of my base religion, that I would never be ostracized for my rejection of blind faith. I considered whether I might be an agnostic or an atheist. I have to admit, as prevalent as religion is, atheism struck me as downright lonely. I am still so effected by this that I find it hard to publicly acknowledge the main target of my inquiry, the central tenet of religion: G-d. But I knew I could not 'settle' without the answers I sought.
After another decade I came to accept that whether by evolution or intelligent design, I have a brain, a healthy dose of curiosity, and a stubborn streak; to refuse to use them in this or any other context would be to deny my humanity - and a slap in the face of the force(s), whatever they may be, that created me.
Three decades after my initial religious journey, and today is Rosh Hashanah. At service this morning, the Rabbi talked about today's Torah reading - the story about Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son Isaac. The Rabbi offered two interpretations, one of which was obedience - that sacrificing his son was God's test of Abraham's obedience. And Abraham passed. I simply cannot accept that. Blind obedience breeds Nazis. The Rabbi presented another interpretation, which was Abraham's refusal to question the command, and on that front Abraham failed. Although I prefer this interpretation, it doesn't match the text in our prayer book.
Between my own religious journey, my experience as a parent, and my work with students, one thing has become profoundly clear in my mind. Humans possess an innate and burning need to make sense of our world. The drive is so strong that we WILL find reason even if we have to make it up. I find this is true with math and science, but I also believe it is true with religion. The Rabbi also spoke about how events that don't seem to make sense (usually because they are in some way unjust) have a divine purpose. The implication is that we are unable to comprehend the hidden purpose, which I take issue with. Again, humans have brains. Unless you believe that the brain is analogous to the metaphoric apple, we must use them. I simply don't believe that God would give us the greatest gift of all, and forbid us from using it.
